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The “One Another” Passages And Discipleship

 

It is critical that you do love right.  Love for neighbor, as you know, is the second greatest commandment.  The thrust of this article is that love is rarely done better or more consistently than when it is being given in a discipleship context. Marriage is the obvious exception to this.  But marriage is different because it has a purpose that no other relationship can have (displaying the covenant relationship of Christ and the church – Ephesians 5:22-33) and a permanence that no other relation must have (till death do us part – Matthew 19:6).  So why is the discipleship relationship exceptional in its capacity for love to be lived out better and more consistently?  The “one another” passages are why.  The “one another” passages are concrete, no-doubt-about-it, outworkings of love.  And the “one another” passages flow in discipleship like few other places.  This is not to say discipleship is the only place they will be carried out.  Not at all.  Many of the “one another” commands should be happening all the time in all the different types of personal relationships.   But discipleship is special and I want to walk through the “one another” passages in order to put neon lights around the ways they are uniquely fulfilled in discipleship.  

  1. “…Be at peace with each other.” (Mark 9:50)

Nothing promotes peace quicker and more thoroughly than face to face discussion around an open Bible about the issues bringing conflict.  Discipleship is a context in which there is this kind of regular contact, and therefore a regular chance to pursue peace together. 

     2.  “…Wash one another’s feet.” (John 13:14)

People living in the Ancient Near East regularly had dirty feet from their travels. There was a real life daily need for foot washing.  While people could certainly do this on their own, Jesus had just washed the disciple’s feet for them, displaying what true, lowly, humble service looked like.  Whether or not Jesus was calling for actual foot washing to be forever done by God’s people, which is doubtful, Jesus most certainly called for humbly serving the real daily needs of people.  Discipleship is the kind of close contact that will allow you to discover someone’s daily needs sooner and with greater clarity than most other relationships.  

  1. “…Love one another…” (John 13:34)
  2. “…Love one another…” (John 13:34)
  3. “…Love one another…” (John 13:35)
  4. “…Love one another…” (John 15:12)
  5. “…Love one another” (John 15:17)

This repetition is clear and powerful, is it not?  Loving one’s neighbor is the second greatest commandment and Jesus fully understood its force.  Jesus’ emphatic repetition is picked up and intensified by even more repetition in 1 and 2 John and other verses (see below).  Since Jesus calls for love over and over, perhaps it would be good to have in our pocket a clear and concise definition of what love is.  Love is freely and joyfully giving oneself (Col. 1:24), with willingness for all manner of sacrifice (John 15:12-13), to do the truly best things as are validated by God’s Word (Psalm 19:7; 1 Corinthians 13:6; John 17:17), for one or more people (Matthew 22:39).  Discipleship fulfills that definition in intentional and powerful ways as will be filled out below.

  1. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love…” (Romans 12:10)

There are few more concrete ways to show you are devoted to someone than regularly planned times to meet together in discipleship.  

  1. “…Honor one another above yourselves. (Romans 12:10)

What says “honor” more than when you forfeit time you could have for yourself and give it to someone else in discipleship? You have shown that in your honor of them, you have given them priority over other opportunities.  

  1. “Live in harmony with one another…” (Romans 12:16)

Harmony in an orchestra happens when two different sounds are put together to create a richer, fuller sound.  Harmony in a relationship happens when two different people join together to create a richer, fuller sound of worship.  Differences are meant to become complimentary helps that lead us to greater joy in the pursuit and experience of the glory of God.  Discipleship is the intentional time for “tuning” this harmony.  

  1. “…Love one another…” (Romans 13:8)

           See #3-7 above 

  1. “…Stop passing judgment on one another.” (Romans 14:13)

This is the first of only 7 negative “one another” passages.  This is an important warning for discipleship.  In discipleship you learn about a person’s strengths and weaknesses.  The judgment spoken of in this passage is the judgment of contempt upon a difference of conscience.  Your disciple may do something you think is foolish on one hand or biblically unnecessary on the other.  Discipleship is the place for bringing the Word of God to bear upon the conscience, not trying to force the conscience to a place it is not ready to go.  Don’t judge with contempt in this area.  Patiently let the Word do the work.  

  1. “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you…” (Romans 15:7)

One the other side of contemptable judgment upon a difference of conscience, is an understanding acceptance.  We all start weak and immature.  The discipler must remember this when discipling and receive them where they are.  Your patient teaching and example will open a door for the Spirit of God to change them and lead them to new levels of freedom.  

  1. “…admonish one another.” (Romans 15:14)

This book began by stating that discipleship is connecting the Scripture to the disciple in wise, transformative ways.  Admonishment is often translated as “instruct.”  It is the kind of fervent instruction that is filled with urgency and deep concern, which is at the heart of not only discipleship but also biblical counseling.  The two are intimately related.  Since biblical counseling can be formal or informal, discipleship is really just informal, highly relational, biblical counseling.  

  1. “Greet one another with a holy kiss…” (Romans 16:16)

Paul wanted there to be such a fervent and familial love between the people of God that they greeted one another like the most beloved of family members.  Perhaps a hug would be our cultural equivalent to this display of affection. To do this regularly means you have to set disagreements and conflicts in order quickly.  You won’t share a hug or kiss anyone who is giving you the stink-eye.  Discipleship should be the place where a truly deep friendship is being built.  Whether or not the friendship goes really deep, there must be the sense that life and love have been shared on a family level.  One proof of this will be the willingness to give and receive a heartfelt hug.

   16.  “…Have equal concern for each other.” (I Corinthians 12:25)

Discipleship should occur across all levels of giftedness and social constructs.  There is no caste system in Christianity, nor any second-class Christian.  Beware of only discipling those who are “worthy.”  While you can disciple only so many people at a single time, make sure you do not use that reality to justify excluding people because they are less educated, less reputable, less financially stable, or any other version of haughty partiality. 

  1. “…Greet one another with a holy kiss.” (I Corinthians 16:20)

          See #15 above 

  1. “Greet one another with a holy kiss.” (II Corinthians 13:12)

         See #15 above 

  1. “…Serve one another in love.” (Galatians 5:13)

          See #2 and #3-7 

  1. “Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” (Galatians 5:26)

It is possible that a discipler can give into the temptation of pride and use their spiritual maturity as a trump card in the discipling relationship, calling for action not on the basis of Scripture but on the basis of opinion.  Additionally, the relational interaction may become heavy-handed, provoking and challenging the disciple instead of gently and patiently leading them with much encouragement toward obedience.  

  1. “Carry each other’s burdens…” (Galatians 6:2)

Discipleship is a special place for burden sharing.  Disciples are to open their heart and life in order to learn from the discipler what God says and apply it in their specific troubles.  But talking about these burdens is not enough.  Burdens must be carried by the discipler as well.  This can mean anything that lightens the load for a disciple.  Sometimes this will be weeping with those who weep and so sharing the grief of a loss.  Other times this will mean putting on work gloves and sweating with them in a difficult physical task.  Many times it will mean going to battle with them in putting sin to death, which could include late night phone calls or looking through God’s Word to bring help in temptation.  Discipleship affords opportunities to carry burdens that few relationships can match.   

  1. “…Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

Patient bearing with one another is needed in discipleship in a special way.  We have all felt the irritation when someone doesn’t take our advice.  But it is a different story when we have poured out our heart and life to them, walking them through the Word of God, and they don’t take such guidance.  This was not throw-away advice we gave.  This wasn’t a take-it-or-leave-it situation.  This was the Word of God that was shared and a fervent appeal to obey.  You have to patiently bear with people as they chose to eat garbage when you have just laid out of a banquet of truth and life.  This can be very hard.  While wisdom may dictate that a rebuke is in order, the temptation will be to bring the hammer and to bring it hard.  Patience, forbearance, kindness, and compassion have a special place in discipleship.  

  1. “Be kind and compassionate to one another…” (Ephesians 4:32)

           See #22 

  1. “…Forgiving each other…” (Ephesians 4:32)

Any time lives come into contact, sin against someone is inevitable.  The survival and thriving of any relationship will be based upon the biblical understanding and accomplishment of forgiveness.  This is all the more true of discipleship.  Discipleship is the joining of lives in an intentional way, and therefore forgiveness will need to happen in an intentional way.  

  1. “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.” (Ephesians 5:19)

Drawing people into the Word so that they can join you in worship is the goal of speaking with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.  We must do this because the Word of God is what truly informs and creates a life of worship.  Since discipleship is where you are teaching them how to observe all that Jesus commanded, connecting Scripture in wise and transformative ways, therefore discipleship will be doing this kind of speaking in intentional ways.  

  1. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21)

Submission is not just for wives or servants, it is for everyone.  It is especially for disciplers.  All Christians are called to submit their desires and plans underneath the purpose of serving the good of others.  Discipleship is doing this intentionally with someone.  This is another way discipleship is different than programs.  A program normally dictates to the participants what happens next.  But in discipleship, you are molding what you do to the needs of the individual.  You are looking for where they are weak in convictions, character and competence and submitting to serve them in those areas.  

  1. “…In humility regard one another as more important than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

The discipler needs this command front and center.  The very nature of discipleship is the joining together of two or more people who have a spiritual maturity gap.  Typical thinking says that if there is someone who is “better” or “more important” it would be the one doing the discipling.  But God calls us to a reversal we have come expect with following Jesus.  In the kingdom, those who are the greatest are the servants of all.  Greatness in the kingdom means being so others-oriented that their needs, their distinctives, and their awesome position as an image-bearer of God captivates your attention and compels you to serve.  

  1. “Do not lie to one another …” (Colossians 3:9)

This is needed for both the discipler and the disciple.  When talking about life and all its nitty-gritty dynamics, it can be easy to play fast and loose with the truth.  A disciple may be tempted to downplay or exaggerate, deflect or deny, blame-shift or hide from the guilt of sin.  The discipler may gloss over, avoid, or soften the seriousness of some sinful habit.  Discipleship is a special arena for truth.  This is not to say truth isn’t always to be spoken, it is just that discipleship is to be the fast-track for truth.  Don’t allow speed bumps of deception to arise.  

  1. “Bear with one another…” (Colossians 3:13)

          See #22 

  1. “…Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.” (Colossians 3:13)

          See #24 

  1. “Teach…[one another]” (Colossians 3:16)

“Teaching them to observe all that I commanded you…” is the explicit discipleship command Jesus issued in the Great Commission.  To see it here in the “one another” passages indicates that discipleship and the “one another” passages do go together. 

  1. “…Admonish one another (Colossians 3:16)

          See #14 

  1. “…Make your love increase and overflow for each other.” (I Thessalonians 3:12)

           See #3-7 

  1. “…Love each other.” (I Thessalonians 4:9)

          See #3-7 

  1. “…Encourage each other…”(I Thessalonians 4:18)

Close contact in discipleship allows you to see what your disciple probably doesn’t see…the evidence of grace.  There is no greater way to encourage someone then to point out how God is at work in that person.  And there is no greater way to see how God is at work in a person than to see the incremental changes that happen, not over weeks typically, but over months.  Discipleship is the relationship in which you are addressing issues over the course of months.  Highlight those evidences of grace and fulfill this one another passage. 

  1. “…Encourage one another…” I Thessalonians 5:11)

           See #35 

  1. “…Build each other up…” (I Thessalonians 5:11)

This call is found in the same verse as “encourage each other” and is closely tied to that concept.  Building up a person is a combination of teaching and encouragement; a mix of bringing the truth they need and highlighting the grace that has already empowered the truth they know.  Discipleship is the place for building people because it operates heavily in both realms; teaching and encouraging.  

  1. “Encourage one another daily…” Hebrews 3:13)

           See #35 

  1. “…Spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” (Hebrews 10:24)

          See # 14, #35, #37 

  1. “…Encourage one another.” (Hebrews 10:25)

          See #35 

  1. “…Do not slander one another.” (James 4:11)

Slander is what happens when anger and frustration have overcome you.  You take your disciple’s weaknesses and share them in some way for no good purpose of the disciple.  Sin is to be addressed and put to death, not shared and put on display.  

  1. “Don’t grumble against each other…” (James 5:9)

Grumbling is what happens when you cease to obey #24: “be patient with one another bearing with one another in love (Ephesians 4:2).  Since you can’t effect the change you are wanting to see, in the timeframe you think you should see it, you fall into a common fleshly option; grumbling.  Grumbling is a common activity of both failed self-sufficiency and arrogant expectation.  God is the only one who can bring real change, if he so chooses, in his timing.  According to the same author of this “one another”, we should say about our helping of others, “if the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that… (James 4:15).  So stop grumbling and put on patience.  If it is going to happen, God must do it. 

  1. “Confess your sins to one another…” (James 5:16)

          See #28 

  1. “…Pray for one another.” (James 5:16)

Obviously prayer is to be happening all the time and for all types of people.  But praying for your disciple can be one of your most impactful areas of your prayer life. You can pray with insight and specificity, knowing the details of the need and the surrounding circumstances.  You know the heart issues involved and the temptations that threaten.  This is prayer that affords great anticipation and expectation.     

  1. “…Love one another deeply, from the heart.” (I Peter 3:8)

         See #3-7 

  1. “…Live in harmony with one another…” (I Peter 3:8)

          See #10 

  1. “…Love each other deeply…” (I Peter 4:8)

          See #3-7 

  1. “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” (I Peter 4:9)

Since discipleship is bringing people into your life, it is only natural that they will be brought into your home as well.  Discipleship and hospitality will always go hand in hand.  Discipleship is the call to “imitate me, as I imitate Christ.”  Therefore, they will need to see how you do home life, which is critical and central to true godliness.  

  1. “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others…” (I Peter 4:10)

This verse will be fulfilled in two special ways in discipleship.  First, there will be times you use your giftings to bless your disciple in whatever those gifts are.  This is understandable.  But the second, and often forgotten, way is how you will serve your disciples as they watch you serve others.  You will be serving your disciple by giving him an example of a godly demeanor while serving, faithful use of Scripture in serving, sacrificial love, humble concern for others, and more.  

  1. “…Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another…”(I Peter 5:5)

          See #27 

  1. “Greet one another with a kiss of love.” (I Peter 5:14)

          See #15 

  1. “…Love one another.” (I John 3:11)
  2. “…Love one another.” (I John 3:23)
  3. “…Love one another.” (I John 4:7)
  4. “…Love one another.” (I John 4:11)
  5. “…Love one another.” (I John 4:12)
  6. “…Love one another.” (II John 5).

          See #3-7 

There are a few other “one another” passages that don’t fit closely with discipleship.  They are listed below 

  1. “stop depriving one another [of sexual relations in marriage]… (1 Corinthians 7:5)
  2. “…When you come together to eat [the Lord’s supper], wait for each other.” (I Cor. 11:33)
  3. “If you keep on biting and devouring each other…you will be destroyed by each other.”

           (Galatians 5:15)

 

 

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