The Anatomy of Disappointment

The other day the weather man said we were going to have some snow. For adults, snow usually throws a monkey wrench into plans. For kids however, it is the white powder of joy. Snow covers the world with fun. It lets you slide with speed, and fall anywhere with the promise of a soft cushion. It can be thrown as balls, or built into stick-arm, scarf wearing people. Our kids were excited. But alas, as dawn broke over a new day, there was no snow. I remember this because my 4 year old son told me with true heart sincerity, “Dad, I am really disappointed there was no snow.” I think it was the first time I had heard him use the word “disappointed.” I know he had been disappointed before, but to hear him articulate it caught my attention. After wondering where he picked up that word, I found myself thinking of all the other disappointments that would come his in this life.

What is the anatomy of a disappointment? I see three elements. First, there is the initial expectation of something good. For some reason, you think that something is going to happen that will make you happy. Second, based on that expectation, you began to make plans around it. It may be as simple as the plan to savor whatever pleasure it is, or it could be as elaborate as investing money or setting up the new baby room. Finally, there is the reversal. In God’s providence, your life is sent in a different direction; a direction that doesn’t intersect with that pleasure.

What should we think about disappointment? I think that if we have ears to hear what the Spirit says to the church, we will learn how disappointment reveals our sin.

First, disappointment may be a subtle reminder that you have forgotten how broken this world is. Everything breaks in this world. Did you think your thing (from toy to empire) was given special protection from the inevitable breakage? Everything in this world dies. Did you begin to live like there was special immunity given to those you know? Every person in this world sins. Did you begin to put too much confidence in the godliness of that particular person? Our disappointment is a signal that we were expecting something of a fallen world, and fallen people, that Scripture never said we should have expected.

Second, disappointment reveals just how deeply we expect, and even demand, God’s grace. This world is cursed and brokenness is to be found everywhere in it. However, because God’s glory is so pervasively awesome, we can still see God’s glory in countless pleasures in this cursed world. But not a single one of those pleasures is ours by right. They are ours by grace. We forfeited them all when we each spurned the God who made them. He should have cast us into hell that moment. But instead, he graciously sustains us and grants to us good things over and over. And what do we do? We expect it. This is sinful of us. We should be in shock over this grace. We should be embarrassed by how much a rebel has been given. But, quite the contrary, we are disappointed when some additional joy is not given to us.

Lastly, there is a word given to those who make plans on presumption alone. That word is arrogance. James 4:13 speaks of those who are expecting to do something. It reads, “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit…” You can see the clear expectation. They were expecting the joy of making profit from their business. Verse 15-16 gives the correction and rebuke. “Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast in your arrogance.” Expectation can morph into presumption and arrogance. You think your life comes with guarantees of more tomorrows, but it doesn’t. You think this world should work just enough to allow you to make profit, but this world is broken. You think you should be able to do all the things you were able to do yesterday, but those things came by grace, not inherent ability. Your disappointment has revealed your arrogance.

God alone is in control. You can and should make plans. But they are to be made in humility. This humility realizes that everything and everyone fails and you can’t do anything about. It may or may not mess your stuff up. This humility also recognizes that God can do something about it, but He may not. And true biblical humility will be a saving humility that trusts in God who saves through Christ. Therefore, this God is your father. And every good father has good plans for his children. Unlike us, God the Father is perfectly righteous and perfectly able to execute those good plans. We have no good reason to be disappointed. Yes, there will be sorrows. But those sorrows are not because of disappointment, but because of the brokenness we have been told will come to us. We are not to expect constant good in this world, we are only to expect that He will work every situation of this fallen world for our good. There is no pleasure that He will not eventually give us. Disappointment reveals our arrogance, but Scripture reveals that we are to live as children of promise rejoicing in what is to come.