Weird Taste Or Filtered Pure? Dealing With A Relationship Turned Weird

If you and your friends dog piled me, threw me in the trunk of your car, drove me away to a small town and locked me in a small room, but were kind enough to give me a cup of water, I might just know where you took me. If, perchance, you had taken me to the little town where my grandmother lives, I would know it by the cup of water. It will have “that taste.” I don’t know what it is, but for my whole life my brother and I have always commented that the water of that town just tastes weird. Not a general kind of weird, a very specific weird. A weird that is unique to that town.

It is not too different from a “weird” that can hang over a relationship. Relationships have a way of taking on a flavor. Yet, unlike my grandma’s water, which seems locked into a certain taste, the flavor of a relationship can change. It can happen slowly or it can happen quickly. Either way, that flavor change happens by what gets thrown into the relational waters.

One time a friend of mine was surprised and upset by something I did. He felt I took an action that was inappropriate. He confronted me about it momentarily, but the present situation did not lend itself to a good discussion. Instantly, a “weird” flavor came over our relationship: Not a bitter flavor that induces a gag reflex, just a hint of strangeness that signals something is not right. It is the kind of thing that you think you might be able to ignore and maybe even get used to over time, which is what I think my grandma must have done decades ago with the first sip of specifically weird H2O.

The Problem With “Weird”

However, the Holy Spirit is not content with that kind of relationship between His children. Honesty and purity are His standard, and the gospel is the filter. And so the Word of God is clear, “Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.”(Matt. 5:23-24)

While this is not always (ever?) easy, it is necessary. It is necessary because every Christian relationship is supposed to move two people Godward. In this difficult situation, if there is not a specific conversation driven by love, honesty, and biblical commitments, the relationship may shrivel up into a fruitless branch that only bears niceties. I knew I had to call my friend and set up a time to meet.

The Gospel Is Our Hope For Restoration

The gospel is our hope for this kind of conversation. Only the gospel gives us the kind of rock that undergirds honesty. The gospel teaches that I can honestly admit wrong, and God’s grace remains unmoved towards me. The gospel also gives us the kind of transformation that undergirds graciousness. If they are wrong, I can be a picture of grace to them, because I have already experienced grace myself. But, if I am unwilling to step into the weird waters for fear of exposure of myself or anger from them, or a host of other possibilities, then I miss the opportunity to highlight the gospel to them and allow a relationship which should be a source of joy and Christlikeness to become potentially fruitless or rancid.

So don’t let weirdness hang over a relationship. Be honest, and let the gospel do its filtering work. Even if your relationship is not immediately restored and more help from others is necessary, at least the purifying process has begun. God is at work on the main problem and not your disobedient silence to the weird flavor.